Just say it here. My name is Jeanelle, and I am 18 and in a relationship! I like cats, piano, deep conversations, and well... other cliche things. yep. Curious Kitten(s)
But I miss you :(
fuck forever, i dont know why im still “here”
i want to be “there”
and now im driving myself insane running from words..
i hate slang it scares the crap out of me,
i want to be normal.
i want to be blind
i want to go back in time.
i want something nice.
i want to damn much!
why do i even bother in the first place
caution insane thoughts:…
so it makes me wonder why it is that, whether awake or not, people still manage to shove shit in your face. not that their opinions matter in the first place.. but always so negative.. i really dont understand the birth of a baby is based on its silence or its cries. how does one get old here? if living in the now lasts forever..would that mean there is no such thing as “moments” only a single moment of infinate continuum? if we are all “one” why do we kill eachother.. why is there such meaning in the world i am forced to see. why cant life be as simple as my age of 5? why do we question everything? how does love last forever? why am i considered crazy to society? why is it not right to say what im saying? i didnt understand building bridges.. or opening doorways.. or sitting on chairs(symbolically)..why is it the thought of hallways scare me? what makes the difference between the ocean and the skies? why is life so meaningful? why am i scared of perfect? what is my purpose? why do i get treated so harshly for speaking out..? why am i scared of the words “come outside” more than “stay inside” why do i doubt myself so much? why cant i sleep? why do they call me dead? why is the bible so close to insanity? why am i afraid? why does the world try to teach me.. school me.. change me.. put me to “work” … i dont know which is better.. left or right.. up or down.. im traumatized.. my once apon a time heaven is now hells pit.. i dont really want to know unless it ends my questioning.. i dont understand life.. yet i grow curious on the possibilty on that world..that state of mind.. i basically want to further understand the deep subconcious mind “at play”… and why it drives me close to suicide… yet i take hold of whatever sanity i have.left and stand my ground acting blind faces.
I love him so much it scares me…